I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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