You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
