shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
