you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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