Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
