what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
