This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
