I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My ATM looks so different sober.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
