I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
