One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
