Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
