): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
