You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
