Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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