My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
