so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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