I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
