He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
