is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
