The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
