Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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