wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
