No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
