I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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