Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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