once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
