The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
