Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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