I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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