Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
