Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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