At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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