I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
