it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
