I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
