So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
