Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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