just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
