ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
