I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
