billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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