guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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