he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
