You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
