he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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