as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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