The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
