Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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