ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
