didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Randomize
