pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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