I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
